How do you spell love? You don’t spell love. You feel it."
Beautiful, isn’t it? It’s a quotation from our childhood favourites, Piglet and Winnie the Pooh.
Don’t we all want to feel that magical feeling of love? Especially with a beloved, a soulmate partner with whom to journey through the chapters of our life.
The challenge is that finding, and keeping true love requires self awareness and for many of us, our own hidden blocks can stop us from experiencing the intimacy that we crave.
I’ve worked with a lot of women who were unable to find and keep the love they wanted. It’s devastating to look around and wonder what’s wrong with you, why you haven’t succeeded in finding your mate whilst everyone around you seems to be paired up or unavailable.
All that disappointment and frustration turns inwards and we start to doubt ourselves. We fear we’re not attractive enough, not educated enough, interesting enough, likable enough … just not enough, and slowly but surely that pain turns to bitterness and despair.
Perhaps I’m unlucky, maybe it just wasn’t meant to be, I’ll just settle for the hand I’ve been dealt and sink quietly into desperation.
I know. I’ve been there too and it’s a heart breaking, soul crushing place to be.
You want to be swept off your feet. You want to be head over heels. You want to be understood, appreciated and supported. You want to live happily ever after.
Not to mention joy of tender cuddles and the magic of passionate, unabashed sex!!
So what the f#ck is going on?!!
It’s got nothing to do with your weight, shape or size. It’s not because of where you live, your job, background or bank balance. The good ones are not all taken, the bad ones are not more fun and there are plenty of singles looking for love!
To find the answer we must look not to what we are experiencing - but to where those experiences are being created in the first place - the subconscious mind.
The subconscious mind is your operating system, an incredible reality making manifesting machine!
Imagine ... right now .... that you could open up the lid to your subconscious mind and take a good look round!
What you might find is the part that is responsible for creating your ‘relationship reality’ has got a few crossed wires!
A glitch in the system of ‘you’ that’s causing a whole heap of trouble, generating misconceptions, limiting beliefs and unwanted paradigms that are actually STOPPING you from being true-lovable. Instead of attracting the love of life … you are actually REPELLING them.
People who fail to find their soulmate or find themselves always attracting the same sort (aka Mr/Ms Wrong!) and falling into destructive relationships, often share 3 self-defeating, love-repelling, joy-crushing beliefs.
You may recognise some of them,
We’ve all been raised to believe that it’s 'right' to put others before ourselves, but the truth is you can only be loved by someone else to the same degree that you love yourself. The opposite is also true - you can only love another to the extent that you love yourself.
It’s the most common mistake we make when it comes to relationships of any sort, and especially a love relationship, to somehow seek love of self through the love of another. We think ‘if I can love someone else, then they will love me … then I will be lovable and I can love me!’
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This flawed thinking leaves us frozen in emotional checkmate because when we struggle to love ourself, then our guiding belief is "I am not lovable, so how could anyone else really love me?
We enter a new relationship yearning to feel the completeness of self love, and challenge our partner to provide it until the resentment and bitterness builds, and we start to feel less capable, attractive and content than we did when we were single.
The love we hoped would make us feel lovable, leaves us emptier and more desolate than before.
* When I look at my reflection in the mirror, how do I think, feel and talk to myself?
* How comfortable am I ‘giving’ to myself, setting personal boundaries and saying ‘no’?
* How do I accept compliments and praise, am I happier giving to others rather than receiving?
Every time you look in the mirror, practise saying to yourself out loud: I love you, I love you, I love you ... pimples, wrinkles, stretch marks, scars and all!
Put yourself first! Giving, loving, praising, encouraging yourself is never egotistical. Choosing what is best for you is never selfish. True love-ability receives and gives in equal and unlimited amounts.
How many women do you know who want a partner so they don’t feel lonely? Perhaps you recognise yourself in that statement. How about bored?
Who has ever sought a new relationship to recover from a break up, end depression or bring some excitement, security or opportunity into their lives … or simply to get a bit more action in the bedroom?!
For those seeking true love, the WIIFM mindset is an agonising game of withdrawal, retreat and punishment where conditional love is measured out and in return, conditional love is painfully received.
When we depend on others to feel good about ourselves, it makes us needy.
When we depend on ourselves to make us feel good, we grow our self esteem, connection and happiness.
* Am I seeking a partner as a way out of a situation or circumstance I don’t like?
* Are there any areas of my life that are out of balance (social life, health, finances)
* What is the love of my life looking for in a partner?
Be honest, be brave. If you’re waiting for someone to come along and make it all better, it aint gonna happen! Look at the areas of your life that need sorting, get help, get it done.
Take time to think not of the love you want, but of the sort of person your soulmate is looking for. Think about the character and values they’re looking for in a partner. Is that you?
So romantic. "You complete me, you make me whole."
The idea that I was less before you came along and now I am more …. sorry, girls, but that ain’t no more than a cheesy lyric from a catchy tune!
DO NOT FALL FOR IT!!!
Those feelings of emptiness? That void within that whispers that you just don’t belong, that you are alone …
There is only one person on this earth who can fill that secret pit of despair to make you feel whole and that is YOU.
I get it, I honestly get it.
10 Years ago I thought I’d made it. After months of planning and preparation, I finally opened the front door to my new home on Paradise Beach, my ‘good catch’ husband by my side.
I should have felt ecstatic, I'd hit the bullseye, scored myself a homerun ... but a sickening realisation was creeping over me, crushing me to my core.
The hopeless, empty feeling of aloneness that I’d experienced all my life had not gone away.
I honestly thought I’d outsmarted the void. I'd got the house, the man, the lifestyle, the business I was about the launch, the money ... I truly thought I'd duped the pain inside.
Those resolved emotions, that heavy story, that feeling of isolation had found me once again. It was as if I had a tracking system within me so that whatever I did, wherever I went and whomever I pinned my dreams on … the hopelessness was still there.
I learned the hard way that there is nothing and no-one outside of ourselves who can ever make us feel more than we are, nobody who can complete us but ourselves and the only person who can ever fill the empty void - is YOU.
* Do I enjoy my own company and feel safe and content on my own?
* Am I trying to fill the gaps in my life with the company of others?
* Is there still a sense of aloneness within me even when I am with friends and loved ones?
Clear the junk in your trunk! True love-ability means dealing with the unfinished business from your past, making peace with your upbringing, your ex’s and those who have done you wrong. Clear your slate to welcome in true love!
Get the help you need. There are certain things that we simply cannot resolve on our own. Commit to getting the help that you need - true love will only invest in you if you invest in yourself.
CYou are true-lovable - it doesn’t matter whether you’ve ever experienced true love or not. It makes no difference if you’ve never truly loved yourself or even believed that true love exists.
The truth is and always has been that you are absolutely true-lovable and absolutely true-loved.
It all comes down to a few crossed wires in the manifesting machine of your inner mind.
It’s time to reboot the system, it’s time to reconnect your eternal love radar and reset your inner compass to lead directly to unshakable self love, and to attract and keep the love of your life.
Are you ready for that?
PS - Tina got in touch the very next day after our session, to tell me her boyfriend had just proposed! Eve met a wonderful new partner within a month of our working together and Nessa started dating again after 4 years single!
I can't wait to help you find true-lovability x